No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
