he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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