OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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