Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
