According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
