Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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