Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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