I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
