I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
