He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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