dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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