I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My life is pants optional.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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