Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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