last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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