i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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