I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
