Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year

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(847): my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year http://tfl.nu/4eng

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(818): View more from California

So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?

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(818): So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God? http://tfl.nu/oozc

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(206): View more from Washington

I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill

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(206): I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill http://tfl.nu/rtkb

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.

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(732): i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that. http://tfl.nu/vsly

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(816): View more from Missouri

dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

(816): View more from Missouri

that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

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(816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0

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(555): View more from

Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.

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(555): Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me. http://tfl.nu/aho3

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(954): View more from Florida

I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.

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(954): I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee. http://tfl.nu/z4i3

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(619): View more from California

You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...

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(619): You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one... http://tfl.nu/h6us

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !

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(402): Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special ! http://tfl.nu/2zxz

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(406): View more from Montana

You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt

(1-406): View more from Montana

That literally makes no sense

(406): View more from Montana

Exactly

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(406): You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt (1-406): That literally makes no sense (406): Exactly http://tfl.nu/db6l

Replies (7) Good night (2011) Bad night (556)
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(512): View more from Texas

I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.

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(512): I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low. http://tfl.nu/zwn3

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(613): View more from Ontario

Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.

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(613): Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook. http://tfl.nu/9inf

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.

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(215): I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear. http://tfl.nu/e69q

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(286): View more from

I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.

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(286): I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face. http://tfl.nu/gle0

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(912): View more from Georgia

It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.

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(912): It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time. http://tfl.nu/lxl4

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