I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Rumble strips road head = magical
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.