So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...