there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.