I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.