she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
