In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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