He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
