Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize