Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
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