yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
