If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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