she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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