Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
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