he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
