there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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