That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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