I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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