the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i barfeds in our rink
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
