Even the bartender felt bad for me
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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