just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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