Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
