R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
