Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
