Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
