kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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