Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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