he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
