i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
