they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
