Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
