I'm going to jail i love you
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
