Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
