It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
