Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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