I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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