I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
