Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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