Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
