When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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