you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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