we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
