So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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