did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
