My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
