I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
