I don't think brook has ever known best
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I am midnight drunk by noon
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
