i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
