went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
