Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
