you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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