I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
